When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
