so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
