Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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