everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
