There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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