dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
