dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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