Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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