at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
