We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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