You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
