Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
