Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
