In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
