i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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