im about as happy as oj after his trial
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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