i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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