dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
one might say we're banned from that church
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
