hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
