why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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