i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
