On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
