just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
