the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i will never coherently bang her
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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