That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
