I will die if light touches me.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
