I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
