I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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