why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize