the day after is always just damage control
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize