wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
