she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
