He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
