i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
