Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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