when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
