And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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