By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All the doctor said was why
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
