Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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