I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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