JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize