the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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