think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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