for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
