just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize