I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
