I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
