no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
