I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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