I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
