so explain again why im purple
no
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
