i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
