i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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