Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
