I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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