just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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