I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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