Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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