It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
