YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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