it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I need a burrito and a hug.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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