i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
two words...techno handjob
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
