Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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