go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
