when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
