It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize