how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Help. Why am I so naked?
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