the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
