no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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