I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize