I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
