i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
