his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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