my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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