you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize