I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
