haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
