Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
