Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
