Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
