I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
