careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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