Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
