Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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