That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
