I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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