I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize