I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
