We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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