Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
