if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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